Fool-Proof Signs You’re Being Emotionally Abused by Your Partner

Every couple goes through rough times in their relationship; you fight and unintentionally hurt each other. But if every interaction you have with your partner causes you to feel fear, anxiety or dread – and you don’t know why you’re feeling that way since he has never hit you – then you might be a victim of emotional abuse. While it may not leave any physical marks, being emotionally abused could just as harmful as being physically abused by someone. Here, we’ve listed down some fool-proof signs that would tell as to whether or not you’re in a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner.

1.       He Criticizes You Regularly

There’s no problem if he’s just giving you constructive criticisms from time to time, but if he constantly criticizes for just everything that you do, then that could be a sign that you’re dealing with an emotionally abusive person. This person’s criticisms often range from disapproving your attire to lecturing you on the life choices you’re making. As a result, you end up feeling worthless and you seek his approval more, which is something that’s hard to come by.

2.       He Humiliates You in Public

Innocent jesting is completely different from outright humiliation. So if your significant other has a habit of humiliating you both in public and private, then they’re emotionally abusing you. He will simply wave you off by saying that “you’re just too sensitive”, distorting how you view the situation so you’ll think that you’re just overreacting on his jokes.

3.       He Ignores Your Relationship Concerns

Stonewalling happens in a relationship when one of you refuses to communicate, choosing instead to ignore the issue in your relationship and dismiss difficult conversations. The effect it leaves? You’ll think that your concerns don’t matter and your feelings are not as important as you think they are.

4.       He Doesn’t Support Your Plans or Achievements

Perhaps you decided to take on a hobby you’re excited about or received a job promotion from your boss, but when you shared the good news to your significant other, he seems to be less than thrilled. He wants you to stay where you are so you won’t have a chance to outgrow him or realize that you actually deserve better.

5.       He Makes You Feel That You’re the Problem

You now start making excuses for him because he finally succeeded in making you believe that you deserve everything he gives you. Eventually, you’ll also start thinking that’s it’s you who’s asking for too much and that he’s just the poor guy trying to put in your relationship.

Knowing these signs is crucial to protect yourself from an emotionally abusive partner and relationship. Regardless of what he says, remember that you’re worthy of all the good things that the world has to offer. So walk away now and start doing things that can make you a happier and better person.

Relationship for Keeps: Why the Funny Guy?

There is no denying that in the dating scene, physical attraction is pretty important as it what draws attention and energy. But after some quantifiable amount of time, his looks start to fade and you don’t feel physically drawn to him as much as you were the first time you met. When you spend some time alone, you realize that you are just left with a hot stud with a dry personality, then, you begin to question yourself how on earth did you end up with him in the first place?

Most quality women in today’s generation are self-sufficient and smart in finding out who is more worthy of their time and the criteria doesn’t highlight good looks—alone. Well, the list of preference varies from every girl but one thing is for sure, she wants a man who can make her happy. How a girl loves to smile and more so, laugh at any second! In fact, a good sense of humor is one of the top three qualities that Singaporean women look for in a man. According to Modernman.sg, women find it irresistibly sexy when a guy is able to see the light-side of things by joking without anyone’s expense. It also shows that the guy has in good control of his emotions especially in his responses when confronted with unwanted circumstances.

Not only funny guys are packed with laughter and good vibes, but they also make good partners that will make the relationship last. Here are the reasons why:

1. The funny guy will get your humor. A guy with dull personality will not get your jokes; you might even hear him saying, “Excuse me?” But, a funny guy will get each word right from the moment you threw them from your mouth and will give you a comeback without skipping a beat! More so, he won’t get offended because he is made out of sarcasm, too! He will teach you how to be comfortable being around him and that there is no need to pretend like, you are the overly prim and proper woman who can’t throw some joke.

2. The funny guy will not get offended. When you make fun of this guy, he will not get upset because he knows how to take a joke and most importantly, he is able to laugh at himself, too! It also goes to show that he doesn’t take himself seriously and people who can actually do that are worth keeping.

4. The funny guy will teach you how to laugh at yourself. He will educate you on how to learn humility by being able to laugh and make fun of yourself, too. He will make you feel that it is perfectly FINE to laugh and be silly. When you two can make fun of each other, laugh and giggle, the level being comfortable will grow in leaps and bounds because he becomes your comfort zone.

5. The funny guy will always have something new to the table. Funny guys usually surprise their SO with their humor, what they have to say is not always predictable and that they will never be boring. In turn, there is always some sort of excitement and something to look forward to.

6. The funny guy will make you happy. Need to say more? When you are constantly laughing and smiling while you are around this guy, how could you not be that happy? The funny guy will let you figure out that you have finally met someone whom you can be completely yourself thus, you develop trust. He will teach you what love, really is and that he will stick to you. These are something worth treasuring for than a model-like boyfriend with the driest personality.

The Act of Infidelity: Where is it rooted from?

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Regardless of its parameters, infidelity is the ultimate form of betrayal. Just like any relationship, especially marriage, we have our own set of ideals about love and romance. We become that person who feels powerful as we are chosen by our partners to be their lifetime confidant for the rest of their lives, “I’m chosen, I’m irreplaceable, I’m unique, and I’m the one,” but infidelity tells us otherwise. It shatters even the best of all relationships ever built and destroys our greatest ambition of love. In most cases, it tells you that it’s time to call it quits by filling a divorce because in this era, it is more shameful to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy than getting out of it because you deserve someone better. In Singapore, for example, the total number of divorces rose from 4,888 to 7,226 in 2007 while slightly more than half of these lasted in less than 10 years.

So if divorce is readily available, why still have an affair? The commonly discussed assumption is that if your partner cheats, it’s only either something is wrong with you or the relationship itself.  Assuming a perfect partnership exists, what if there are things that even a good relationship cannot provide? What if there are untold and deeper root causes of infidelity? Is it just merely about you that made him/her look for another partner under the sheets?

Desire to Look for Another version of Ourselves

Affairs can be viewed as a two-faced coin, it’s an act of betrayal but it is also an expression of longing and filling in what seems to be void for the perpetrator. At the heart of infidelity, you will often find a person longing for freedom or making an attempt to recapture lost parts of themselves due to what society and people have expected them to be and bringing back vitality in the face of tragic circumstances. For example, it may be about finding someone who is a perfect opposite of their values, background and behavior. This new encounter can spark freedom, somewhat an escape from what has been usual and old. It helps the person discover more of him and feed the hunger for that “new feeling.” Therefore, this creates excitement and thrill that becomes addictive because it’s something fresh from what he is used to. Sometimes, infidelity it isn’t always our partner that we are turning away from, but the kind of person we have ourselves become for the longest time.

Desire to Feel Valued

Contrary to typical belief, affairs aren’t more about sex; it has something to do more with desires. These are desires to feel appreciated, special and important. When these are not being fulfilled, the perpetrator may look for it somewhere else. It is about wanting to feel the feeling of being wanted again and that in itself is a desire machine that functions to aid incompleteness and worth.

Desire for Communication

It is undeniable that we see our partners as our best friend, confidante, and someone who absolutely get us. But when the feeling of not being able to tell them everything starts to kick in, that’s when the trouble starts to develop. More often than not, couples start to grow apart because things are left unsaid, conflicts are unresolved and fear of acceptance becomes an issue, thus, they don’t talk anymore. This need may be diverted to other person where the perpetrator feels a sense of relief, escape and being listened to.

Desire to Enliven the Sexual and Romantic Spark

In the early stages of the relationship, we can’t forget the mind-blowing sex or the gushy, butterflies in the stomach experience we felt with our partners but as time progresses, this spark slowly dies down and becomes lost. In turn, our partners tend to look for it somewhere else because of their wanting to feel it again, thus, traveling to wanderlust. That is why it is crucial for couples to go back to their foundation when excitement and thrill are gone.

In the aftermath of an affair, the relationship is redefined. The new disorder may lead to a new order that may seem unexpected. Some couples may develop a depth of openness and honesty in conversations which they have not had for decades while some who were sexually doomed with indifference suddenly find themselves voraciously lustful. Whatever the effect of the affair may bring to the relationship, it is important that couples determine what legacy infidelity had brought to their lives, affairs are here to stay but healing is possible when it is viewed in a dual perspective: betrayal and pain on one side, self-discovery and growth. It reveals what it actually did to you and what it meant to your life. The logic is something like having a dreadful illness and how it yielded you a new perspective.

The Unrequited Love: To the Ones Who Have Been Broken

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So, what can we do about it? It is undeniably difficult to move on and let go, but that’s how it should be, you are in dire need to let go:

1.    Look for someone else!

Of course, this advice is easier said than done when all you have in mind is nothing but comparison of your former love to the new person right in front of you. That mental behavior is poisonous to your quest to moving on and finding happiness again. Finding someone new is the fastest way to get past the heartbreak, a new love interest and distraction, at least for that matter, can help you realize that your world doesn’t end when someone says they don’t love you back.

2.    Get a Good Understanding of Why Your Love Wasn’t Returned

You’re nice. You have a good and decent job. You drove 5 long hours just to see him. You are effortful, right? So, what went wrong?

Sometimes, we focus so much into ourselves that we overlook the other person. There are many possible reasons why your affection was not reciprocated. Have you tried considering what the person was actually looking for? Have you ever thought that, maybe, this person was just emotionally unavailable? And probably, you just set the wrong expectations. Some people are not just good at loving, and it’s a reality. When you are able to comprehend the situation, it’ll be easier for you to get your life back.

 3.    Get A Life, Seriously.

Go out. Exercise and do what you really enjoy, it may be baking, wall climbing or canoeing—find anything that will keep your attention and mind busy! At night, resist from listening to love songs and romantic Netflix. You can call your friends instead and tell them how your day went or make yourself ridiculously tired the entire day that you have no option but to drop and sleep the moment you hit the bedroom.

4.    Plan your Future

What better way to distract yourself from heartbreak than turning your cheek and project the future you want to have for yourself. Get into the habit of thinking what lies ahead and how you can better it. This will also help you figure out your action plans at present so you can direct your future the way you want it.

5.    Detach Yourself From Anyone and Anything that Reminds you of your Former Love

The greatest enemy of moving on is memory. Memories bring back feelings, the same old feeling you had when you were at that certain moment. After being high, you will remember how painful it is because it did not work out, and you begin to feel down again. It’s not healthy. You are at the point of your life where you want to start anew and staying connected with people and objects that remind you of the perpetrator won’t make it easier. Don’t forget that you need to stop social media stalking, too!

6.    Learn to forgive

If you want to be truly happy, without reminiscing pain when you look back in the past, then learn to give true forgiveness. Forgiving is not entirely for the person who hurt you but most importantly it’s for yourself. It may take a while before you can actually reach this stage but take baby steps every day and you will soon realize that you have freed one prisoner from all the pain, anger, shame and anxiety—and that is you.